I told a friend recently that it’s a weird time to be online. To be honest, this statement feels evergreen — when is it not a strange time to live your life publicly on the Internet? But recently, there’s been a push to be authentic (something I’ve written about several times) without being too authentic. No one wants to make the people around them uncomfortable, right?
Posting online has become a time-consuming process for me. First, I take the picture. (If I’m being honest, I take several pictures. Sometimes 20 or 30.) Then, I have to find one that works, edit it in Lightroom, run it through FaceTune to get rid of any stray hairs, come up with a caption, find relevant hashtags, share it on Instagram, share it on Facebook and monitor the posts for any comments to respond to.
Happy Tuesday, friends! I wanted to get a little bit serious during today’s post and address something important to me. My Twitter bio used to say, “Always loud, always laughing.” And it’s true! I am usually talking too loudly and laughing obnoxiously — most people describe me as outgoing and friendly after spending time with me. I have an amazing family, a doting husband and abundant resources at my fingertips.
One thing you’ll learn about me after a brief conversation is that I am always tired. I know that doesn’t make me special –– aren’t we all always tired? –- but I’ve had sleep problems for almost five years, and I take a prescription sleep aid to help me sleep through the night. Unfortunately, the medication leaves me feeling hungover, so it’s not exactly ideal. I try to “catch up” on sleep on the weekends, but obviously that doesn’t always work!
A week ago today, I jetted off to California for a press trip to Facebook’s headquarters. I posted the above on Instagram and made it all seem like a breeze.
Reality: The day of my flight, my hands felt shaky and I felt lightheaded. I was sobbing the entire drive to the airport. I’m not afraid of flying –– unlike most people I know, I actually enjoy getting meeting chatty passengers — but I am super anxious about traveling away from home. Cue the world’s tiniest violin.
Breaking news: I’m not a size 0.
Of course, if you’ve ever seen a picture of me, you’re probably like, “well, duh.” I’m usually a size 12 or 14 at most stores, and I go from medium to XL depending on sizing. It sounds silly to say I’ve struggled with this when the average American woman is a size 14, so I’m in good company, but I’ve tried pretty much every weight loss scheme. When I was a teenager, I saw a therapist because my relationship with food was disordered, and I coped in some unhealthy ways.