Pregnancy After Loss, First Trimester Recap & FAQ

In case you missed it the news, I’ve been MIA on the blog because I’M PREGNANT with a GIRL! It’s still so terrifying to say those words out loud after what we went through last year, but it’s also thrilling. We’re going to have a freakin’ baby.

It’s been an emotional roller-coaster, fam. I have so many thoughts that I’m structuring this in a Q & A format even though I’m coming up with the questions myself. 😂 But hopefully this long overdue post brings my blog readers up to speed and helps you get an idea of where I’m at!

How far along are you and how do you feel?

I am 15 weeks, 5 days. Unfortunately, I’m still throwing up and feeling a lot of fatigue, so that second trimester magic they tell you about hasn’t kicked in yet. I do feel like this pregnancy is moving pretty quickly, even though I’ve been miserable!

Were you guys trying?

I’m gonna spill too much info here, so look away if you’re not into that kind of thing. But after we lost Jed in June 2019, I didn’t go back on birth control. I didn’t want to be pregnant right away — we KNEW we needed time to heal emotionally and financially — but I also knew I wanted it sooner rather than later. So technically, we were unofficially “trying” from the time I miscarried. I started using ovulation test strips in September 2019, and when I got my period around Thanksgiving, we decided that we’d invest in an Ava bracelet or something similar if I wasn’t pregnant before the end of the year. I got my positive test four days before Christmas!

What was your reaction when you realized you were pregnant?

So we drove up to Asheville to spend the week of Jed’s due date in the mountains. I was so excited to drink a lot of wine and just spend some time snuggled up with my husband. Christmas at our house was so depressing — we were too sad about Jeddy’s due date to put up a tree or really buy each other gifts, so escaping to North Carolina was perfect. We talked at length about when I’d get pregnant on the drive up and just told ourselves we’d enjoy the journey and make the most of 2020, baby or no baby.

That night, as we drove to dinner from our Airbnb, I started to feel SO motion sick that I almost asked Vagner to pull over. I never get carsick, EVER, so I was suspicious but didn’t want to get my hopes up. I chalked it up to altitude sickness and enjoyed a nice cocktail at dinner! The next morning, I still felt like crap, so I pulled a cheap pregnancy test from my luggage (if you’ve ever tried for a baby, you get used to carrying around tampons and pregnancy tests when your period is due), took it, and went to throw it away because I expected it to be negative. My hands started shaking when I saw the second line.

Funnily enough, it totally ruined the rest of our Asheville trip. I’m miserable from day one when I’m pregnant, so even though it was early, I was too nauseous and tired to do much of anything, and we went home a day early. I’ll take a baby over a perfect vacation any day, though!

How was the first trimester?

It was god-awful. I love you too much to sugarcoat the truth — my pregnancies are a nightmare. (This doesn’t mean that YOUR pregnancies will be a nightmare — I hope they’re not, for your sake.) But I spent the first two months of 2020 throwing up, sleeping, crying because I felt so poorly, and trying to force myself to eat. During my pregnancy with Jed, I gained 15 pounds in the first trimester. This time around, I still haven’t gained any weight because the nausea is so prevalent. But hey, it’s all a journey, and if this is what it takes to grow our perfect little girl, it’s a small sacrifice.

Did you know it was a girl?

Nope! I was convinced we were having another boy, so when I found out it was a girl, I lost my mind (see the video of my reaction for proof).

Have you guys picked a name?

We’re still talking about names, but we won’t share her name until she’s born. 🙂

Overall, how has it been?

In some ways, I’ve had an easier time emotionally. I can’t fear loss with the same intensity because I’ve lived it and I survived. But there have been many, many triggering moments — I still hold my breath anytime we go in for an ultrasound, because I have flashbacks to when we found out Jed wasn’t alive anymore. I think that grief counseling really helped me process a lot of my thoughts, though, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well I’m handling things.

I can’t wait to keep y’all posted on this wild journey, especially once I start to feel better. Thank you so much to everyone who’s supported us since our loss last year — we’re so pumped that we get to rejoice.